Looking at the searches that have lead people to this blog is an adventure. Some are hits – each time I see a search about prenatal diagnosis I give myself a mental high five. Some are misses – “natural garden images” for my Welcome to Holland analysis. Some surprise me – I’ve had multiple views of my post from Adelle’s birthday for searches relating to celebrating birthdays of people with Down syndrome. That post doesn’t address the topic at all and, honestly, I never would have thought about addressing this topic because sometimes I forget about Before Meredith.
Before Meredith was nice. She tried to do the right thing. She didn’t want to offend anyone or hurt any feelings – to the extent that she avoided situations or people that might cause either of those things to happen.
I can imagine her flipping through the mail while walking up the driveway from the mailbox, smiling a little at a small colorful envelope addressed to Brady, obviously carrying an invitation from a friend. I can imagine her reading the glossy photo invite over his shoulder, happy that he has been included in this celebration by a little classmate. The who, when, and where listed next to a smiling picture of a little boy or girl with Down syndrome in the shape of a balloon or a birthday cake, colorful cartoon confetti splashed all over the background. That picture would morph Before Meredith’s smile into an anxious frown. Later, she would carefully Google “Down syndrome birthday”, for the perfect “Down syndrome gift” so as not to offend the poor “Down syndrome child” or “Down syndrome parents.” Then, on the day of the party, she would drop her son off with his brightly decorated gift, to play games and eat cake, and she would cross her fingers that the gift was correct and be proud that her son had a friend with a disability – big parenting pat on the back. Yeah!
It would be easy for the person I am now to get angry at Before Meredith. There is so much injustice in the world when it comes to people with disabilities. It can be overwhelmingly heart breaking. Before Meredith is a convenient (although not fair) scapegoat. Before Meredith doesn’t know many people with disabilities. But I know what is in her heart, because I was her. Her heart is mine, with less experience. Her mind is open. She is looking for the right answer. So here it is:
A child with Down syndrome is a child first. They would probably appreciate whatever fad is popular with children in their class. Feel free to ask what they are interested in when you call in your RSVP, or let your child choose the gift. A birthday with Down syndrome is the same as a birthday without Down syndrome. Just like any other child, a child with Down syndrome will care more about having friends at their party than the gift brought with the friend.
The same goes for any other situation for people with Down syndrome. They are people first. Down syndrome is something they have, not who they are. Down syndrome does not make someone all that different from anyone else. To Before Meredith I say: Don’t be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Don’t worry about what you don’t understand. Put yourself out there. Ask Now Meredith. She would be happy to answer your questions and you will be better because of what you learn.
photo credit: chambanamoms.com